How Understanding Your Resistance Can Help You Move Forward

Oct 14

5 min read

Updated: Oct 16

There are moments in our lives when something catches us off guard. Someone says something we don't agree with, an idea is presented that we immediately dismiss, or we find ourselves pushing back against a possibility before we've even taken the time to understand why. Sometimes our reaction is so strong that we don't give ourselves the opportunity to consider whether there might be something worth exploring beneath it. We simply decide that whatever is being suggested isn't for us, and we move on.

I've been thinking about those moments lately, particularly as I reflect on this week's episode of The Becoming Podcast, How to Identify and Overcome What's Holding You Back. In the episode, I shared four personal experiences when my own resistance ultimately led me somewhere I hadn't expected. What I initially rejected became an opportunity to give myself permission to pursue what mattered to me, realign with who I had become, find clarity in the direction I wanted to take, and recognize that I didn't have to do everything alone. Looking back, I can see how much those moments changed me, but I couldn't see that when I was in the middle of them. All I knew was that something didn't sit right with me. I was uncomfortable, defensive, or convinced that whatever was being suggested simply wasn't for me.

It took time for me to understand that my initial reaction wasn't necessarily telling me what I needed to do. It was giving me something worth exploring. I didn't have to agree with the person who had challenged me, accept an idea that didn't feel right, or immediately change the direction I was going. What I needed was the willingness to look a little deeper and understand why I was reacting the way I was. Sometimes, the most valuable thing we can take from an uncomfortable experience isn't an immediate answer, but a better understanding of ourselves and the beliefs that influence the choices we make.

I've also been thinking about how we approach the work of personal growth. We often begin with questions. What are you resisting? What is keeping you stuck? What needs to change? These are valuable questions, but sometimes we aren't ready to answer them. We may not even recognize that something is holding us back. We simply know that we're feeling unsettled, that something isn't quite right, or that we want more from our lives but aren't sure what that means. When we're in that place, being asked to identify what's wrong or what needs to change can feel like one more thing we're expected to figure out.

Perhaps what we need first isn't another question to answer, but an invitation to consider what's possible. What if understanding your resistance could help you move beyond a belief that has been limiting you? What if giving yourself permission to want something different could open up a possibility you hadn't considered? And what if the thing you've been trying to push away is pointing toward something you need to understand about yourself? You don't have to know what's holding you back to begin exploring what might be possible, and you certainly don't have to have everything figured out before you take that first step.

I see this in my own life, too. As my work continues to evolve, I'm becoming more intentional about how I communicate what this practice of becoming can offer. I want people to recognize not only the questions worth exploring, but also the possibilities that may emerge when they give themselves the space to explore them. Because this work has never been about asking questions simply for the sake of asking them. It's about what becomes possible when we begin to understand ourselves more fully and make choices that reflect who we are, what matters to us, and the kind of life we want to create.

Sometimes we discover that we have outgrown something that once served us well. Sometimes we realize we've been waiting for permission that we never actually needed. And sometimes we recognize that the life we want requires us to make a different choice, trust ourselves a little more, or allow others to walk alongside us. In my own experience, those realizations haven't always come easily. More often, they've emerged after I've spent time wrestling with an idea, defending the way things are, or insisting that I don't need to do anything differently. It is often only when I'm willing to reconsider my first reaction that I begin to see another possibility.

We don't always recognize a doorway when we're standing in front of it. Sometimes all we see is the discomfort, the uncertainty, or the possibility of having to do something differently. We may be so focused on defending what we already know that we miss the opportunity to discover what else might be true. But when we allow ourselves to pause before dismissing an idea, we create room for a different response. We can examine what we're feeling, consider where that reaction might be coming from, and decide for ourselves whether there is something worth pursuing. We don't have to force an answer or convince ourselves that every uncomfortable experience holds some greater meaning. We simply have to be willing to look at what is happening and decide what, if anything, we want to take from it.

And perhaps that's what intentional living asks of us. Not to have all the answers, but to remain open to what we might learn about ourselves along the way. To recognize when our beliefs, expectations, or habits are no longer serving us in the way they once did, and to give ourselves permission to make different choices when we're ready. The goal isn't to question everything or constantly search for something that needs fixing. It's to develop a deeper understanding of ourselves so that we can move through our lives with greater awareness, make decisions with intention, and create a life that feels more fulfilling and more aligned with who we're becoming.

So this week, rather than searching for something you need to fix, simply pay attention to the moments when you feel yourself pushing back. Notice when you become defensive, dismissive, or certain that something isn't for you. You don't have to do anything with those feelings just yet, and you don't have to assume that your reaction means you've overlooked something important. Instead, give yourself a little space to consider what might be underneath it. Is there a belief you're holding onto? Is there something about the situation that feels threatening to the way you see yourself? Or is there a possibility you haven't allowed yourself to consider?

You may discover that the thing you're resisting isn't something you need to change at all. Or you may realize that you've been holding yourself back from something you've wanted for a long time. You won't necessarily know until you give yourself the opportunity to look more closely, and whatever you discover, you can decide what to do with it in your own time.

Because sometimes, the first step toward a more fulfilling life isn't knowing exactly what needs to change. Sometimes, it's recognizing that there may be another way forward and allowing yourself to consider what that could look like.

Becoming, always returning,

Carrie

Listen: Identify & Overcome What's Holding You Back