Bittersweet Goodbyes: Sending Your Child to College

Carrie Woodcock
Aug 26
5 min read

Mom and Will 2022 Mohawk Valley Community College

How do you manage to release someone that is central to your life? For nearly twenty years, you dedicate yourself to providing your child with opportunities, nurturing them to become good, kind, and responsible individuals, and equipping them with the tools for success. Then, all of a sudden, the moment arrives when they are prepared to venture out on their own. It's an emotional whirlwind!

So, where does that leave you? Naturally, you will always remain the parent, and they will continue to need you, but suddenly not in the same way as before.

Over the past week, my newsfeeds have been filled with photos and crying emojis as numerous parents I know are sending their children off to college. I vividly recall those times.

As a single mom, the house fell silent when my son went off to college. Each day brought something new. Some days, I relished the freedom to do as I pleased and focus solely on myself. That freedom was enjoyable at times. However, there were days when I had ample time but felt too sad to use it effectively. It was crucial for me to shift my focus on those days, or I’d find myself in trouble. The anxiety and fear could be overwhelming. What if he missed classes, wasn’t happy, didn’t make new friends, or got into an accident in the city? The fear could be paralyzing if I allowed it. I had to replace those thoughts to avoid spiraling into negativity!

A friend would inquire about his well-being and mentioned checking in to ensure he was doing what he should, but I always replied that nagging would only make him stop answering calls. I trusted that he would reach out when he needed me, without feeling pressured, knowing I supported him while giving him space to learn and make mistakes, as we all do.

How did I manage to cope? I turned my attention back to myself. I began another Foundations program and became more disciplined with my routine. I started engaging in activities that I both wanted and needed to do for my own well-being. Eventually, I began dating again and entertained the idea of allowing someone new into my life, something I hadn't done in a long time.

Eventually, things began to improve. I worried less and distanced myself from the constant 'what if.' I began to trust that I had raised him well and that he had all the tools he needed to navigate the world on his own. When he felt overwhelmed, he would call me. And he did, because we had a strong relationship with open communication. When he missed home and me, I would drive to see him, even if it was just for a couple of hours to take him out to dinner.

Our relationship evolved and matured, and I started to recognize the incredible young man I had raised becoming his own person. I was often amazed at his ability to understand things in ways I never did at eighteen. He always seemed like an old soul, but his insights at that age truly surprised me. I believe this was partly due to his nature and also the result of the many conversations we had as he was growing up. Although, as a mom, I feel like I should say I miss him being little, the truth is I don’t. I cherished those early years, but I absolutely love every stage of our relationship. I am closer to him and prouder than ever as I watch him transition into the next phase of adulthood. How could I feel sad when he is the best thing I have ever done? I have also come to appreciate the freedom that having an adult son offers. I can come and go as I please, while he takes on more responsibility for himself.

The reality is that moments like these, real-life events, influence your follow-through when it comes to creating the healthy and fulfilling life that you desire. It’s not ever as simple as the workout plan—that’s the easy part! The challenge lies in discipline, motivation, accountability, and mindset, which is why it’s crucial to view life from a multi-dimensional perspective.

I felt compelled to reach out to all those who are going through this right now. I have been there, and I understand how difficult those moments can be. It gets easier. Not only does it get easier, but it gets even better! It doesn’t happen overnight, but it does happen, and it is absolutely incredible when you get to see your child blossom and become the person that they are meant to be.

This evening, as I was writing, I remembered a passage I wrote years ago titled "When I Grow Up." Looking back on it now gives me a sense of completion, and I'd like to share it with you.

When I Grow Up

November 27, 2012

“Mom, what should I be when I grow up?”

My eight-year-old son placed his pencil beside the incomplete math homework lying

between us on the dining room table. Observing the puzzled expression in his eyes made me reflect on my own life. I was starting to explore my dreams, though I had kept them hidden away for many years, doing what I believed was "right". He resembles me in numerous ways...creative and artistic. What do I wish for his future? Do I want him to end up in the same predicament I find myself in? I would never want him to fear pursuing his own dreams!

"Sweetheart, that's not for me to decide. You are an amazing little boy, and you can become

anything you decide to be... but you have to make that choice yourself. My role is simply to

support you in any way I can so you can pursue your own dreams."

His eyes widened, not expecting I would leave such an important decision in his hands. I wouldn’t tell him what he should do.

With tears in his eyes, he replied simply, “Thank you, Mom.”

My perspective was suddenly changed when I looked at my son and thought about what I wanted for him in his own life.

I hope he dreams big.

As a parent, you’ve put in tremendous effort for this moment! You’ve done all you can to ready them for it. So, stand by them during tough times, take pride in their successes, and remember to be kind to yourself as you go through an emotionally difficult period. Provide them the room to grow into who they are destined to be, and within that space you’ve created, let yourself grow into the person you aspire to be.

You deserve it.

Carrie

Do you experience moments like this when your routine is interrupted? A supportive network can assist you in overcoming these challenges. Participate in my Weekly Workshop on Wednesday nights at 7 PM to engage in our discussions.

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“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for

themselves, that will make them successful human beings.”

~Ann Landers