Who Would You Be Without Everyone Else's Expectations?

Carrie Woodcock
May 24
7 min read

Were you taught to pursue happiness… or were you taught to pursue survival, stability, money, and approval?

This morning in our workshop, we were reading Chapter 5 in Part II of Becoming Aligned, The Foundation of Values. We are currently moving through the space between Awareness and Alignment, and honestly, that in-between space feels messy, emotional, complicated, and incredibly human. It is the space where you begin to recognize something feels off, but you are still trying to figure out how to bring your actions, beliefs, values, and everyday life into alignment with one another.

What started as one simple question led us into a really powerful discussion, and before we knew it, the entire morning had flown by. We always enjoy our conversations together, but sometimes discussions create space for something deeper to surface. Things we may not even fully realize we have been carrying. Beliefs we inherited without questioning. Pressures we absorbed so early in life that they simply became part of who we thought we were supposed to be.

At the center of today’s discussion was a question that felt surprisingly emotional once we really sat with it: Do we actually value all of the things we have been told we should value… or have we simply been going through the motions because we were taught that we were supposed to?

By the time the discussion ended this morning, I think all of us were sitting there a little speechless.

Before we even got very far into the chapter, we stopped to break down two very basic ideas: priority and misalignment.

Priority means what is most important to us. What we place value on. What we give our energy, attention, time, and focus to.

Misalignment is when our actions no longer line up with those values.

And somehow, just those two definitions opened the door to such a deep discussion that we barely made it through the first paragraph of the chapter this morning. The conversation became so layered, relatable, emotional, and thought-provoking that everyone in the room seemed to connect to it in some way.

I asked the group a simple question:“What were we taught to value in our lives?”

The answers came quickly. Material possessions. Friends. Family and relationships. Education. Getting a stable job. Earning money. Self-care. Hygiene. Freedom.

But as we kept talking, it became clear how many of those things connected back to financial success and stability in some way. Education was tied to getting a good job. A good job was tied to money. Money was tied to safety, security, comfort, and survival.

It was interesting because nobody really had to think very hard about those answers. They were automatic. Almost conditioned into us. These are the messages many of us have heard our entire lives, to the point where we rarely stop to ask ourselves where those beliefs even came from in the first place.

Then the discussion shifted toward emotions and mental health.

We talked about how many of us were taught to suppress emotions growing up. To toughen up. To stop crying. To keep things to ourselves because “nobody wants to hear your problems.”

At the same time, we now live in a world where mental health awareness is everywhere. We see campaigns, posts, hashtags, conversations around suicide prevention, and reminders telling people to reach out or ask for help.

But one of the questions that came up was:Are our actions actually aligned with those messages?

It is easy to say, “I’m here if you need to talk.” But when someone is truly struggling, overwhelmed, depressed, grieving, or emotionally falling apart, do we really create space for that? Do we really know how to sit with someone else’s pain? Or are we still uncomfortable with emotions in ways we don’t fully realize?

I don’t think there is one simple answer to that. Maybe change is happening. Maybe awareness is growing. Maybe society is slowly beginning to move in a healthier direction when it comes to mental health and emotional openness.

But awareness and alignment are not the same thing.

That seemed to become one of the biggest themes of today’s conversation.

We also talked about body image, appearance, and the contradictions that exist within our culture around those topics. Society pushes messages about body positivity, self-acceptance, and embracing all shapes and sizes, while at the same time we are living in the middle of a massive cultural shift surrounding weight loss drugs like Ozempic and other GLP-1 medications.

And naturally, difficult questions started to emerge from that conversation too.

If society truly values all bodies equally, why do so many people still feel pressure to change theirs? Why are beauty standards still so powerful? Why do people continue chasing unrealistic expectations even when there may be risks involved?

Then that conversation expanded even further into appearance in general.

We say looks should not matter. We say it is what is inside that counts. But at the same time, we are constantly surrounded by advertisements about beauty, fashion, makeup, anti-aging, dieting, fitness, and attractiveness. Social media amplifies all of it even more.

So are we really as accepting as we say we are?

How do race, gender, sexuality, and physical appearance shape the way people are treated? How much of attraction is natural, and how much of it has been socially conditioned into us? Should people feel guilty for wanting physical attraction in a relationship? Where is the line between taking care of yourself and becoming consumed by appearance?

Nobody in the room was pretending to have all the answers. That wasn’t the purpose of the conversation. The value was in the honesty of it. In the willingness to sit in the discomfort of questions that don’t have simple solutions.

At one point, I asked the group:“What does success look like to you?”

The answers included things like having a good job, owning a house, raising kids, being financially stable, budgeting well, being attractive, having a good attitude, creating meaningful work, being versatile, educated, healthy, and responsible.

And once again, so much of the discussion circled back to money.

Then I followed that with another question:“How happy do you think money actually makes someone?”

The responses became much more mixed.

Because success, value, and happiness are all deeply shaped by personal experience. Someone who has experienced food insecurity may define success as simply having enough money to buy groceries. Someone else may place more value on creativity, freedom, purpose, or relationships. One person may deeply admire a body of work that someone has created, while another person may not understand why creative expression matters at all.

We all see the world through our own lens.

And maybe that is part of why alignment is so difficult.

So much of what we prioritize was handed to us long before we were ever old enough to consciously choose it for ourselves. Family systems. School systems. Society. Culture. Trauma. Survival. Social media. Advertising. All of it shapes us in ways we often don’t fully recognize until we finally slow down enough to reflect.

That reflection stage matters.

Because growth rarely happens all at once. It is not linear. It is uncomfortable and slow sometimes. It is becoming aware that something feels off before you fully understand how to change it. It is noticing contradictions within yourself and within society. It is recognizing that awareness alone eventually stops feeling like enough.

Maybe that is where many of us are right now, both individually and collectively. In that space between awareness and alignment. A space where we are beginning to see the disconnect between what we say we value and what we actually reinforce through our actions, behaviors, systems, and choices.

And maybe that is why progress takes so much time. Because these conversations are complicated. Human beings are complicated.

But I think there is something powerful about being willing to pause long enough to ask the questions anyway.

So maybe instead of just reading this and moving on, sit with it for a moment.

What were you taught to prioritize?

What does success honestly look like to you?

Do your actions align with your values?

After considering all of these conversations around success, appearance, money, mental health, acceptance, achievement, and the things we have been conditioned to value our entire lives, ask yourself this question again:

Who would you be without everyone else’s expectations?

Would your life look the same? Would your priorities stay the same? Would the things you spend your time chasing still feel meaningful to you?

Are you living your life because it truly reflects what is most important to you? Or are you living the life you were taught you were supposed to live… according to rules and expectations that have been handed down for so long that you do not even know where they came from anymore?

I am not asking you to suddenly change your entire life. I am not telling you to have all the answers figured out overnight. Maybe awareness is simply where this begins. Maybe growth starts with becoming still long enough to ask yourself a question you have not seriously considered in a very long time.

Because sometimes misalignment does not begin with one major moment. Sometimes it begins slowly, quietly, over years of trying to become who we thought we needed to be in order to be accepted, successful, loved, or enough.

And if your life feels out of alignment somewhere deep inside… maybe the most important thing is not judging yourself for it. Maybe the most important thing is finally becoming aware of it.

Maybe alignment does not begin with changing your entire life overnight.

Maybe it begins with becoming honest about what truly matters to you beneath all of the expectations, conditioning, and pressure you have carried for so long.

Because your life is not meant to be lived according to everyone else’s definition of success.

It is meant to feel true to you.

Becoming, always returning,

Carrie